As writers, we doubtless spend a lot of time and effort making our stories the best that they can be.

Unfortunately, all of that hard work leads to such an intimate familiarity with our manuscripts that we often fail to see some of our stories’ biggest (and tiniest!) issues — anything from major plot holes and off-kilter pacing to spelling and grammar mistakes and inconsistencies in the text.

While there are steps that we can take to improve our objectivity as we revise, one of the simplest ways we can perfect our stories is to seek external feedback on our work.

For novelists, feedback can come in many forms.

Writers often call upon beta readers, critique partners, and developmental editors to help them iron out issues within their storytelling. Many also seek feedback from line editors, copy editors, and proofreaders who help them hone their writing style and the technical accuracy of their prose.

As helpful as all of this feedback can be, there’s no doubt that allowing others to read and critique our work can be a terrifying process. Even with a positive attitude in place, criticism can sting.

That said, receiving feedback can also be an empowering and uplifting experience. How can we ensure that our own encounters with solicited criticism are as positive as possible? To answer this question, let’s first explore why even the most well-intended feedback can leave a mark.

When Ego Meets External Feedback

Everyone has the right to critique published work in whatever way they’d like. But when a writer solicits direct feedback on an unpublished manuscript, the criticism they receive should exist to build them up rather than tear them down.

In other words, solicited criticism should always be constructive rather than destructive.

Ideally, any editor, beta reader, or critique partner you work with should want to help you make your story the best that it can be. Destructive feedback doesn’t fit this bill, and it should absolutely not be taken to heart. It says a lot more about the critic than it does about you and your work.

Unfortunately, even the kindest of constructive criticisms can sting, and that’s all thanks to your ego.

As we first discussed in our article on choosing a publishing path, your ego is your sense of self-worth and importance. Rather than recognizing your value as innate, your ego seeks proof in the form of external validation and praise.

In turn, this reality makes the process of receiving criticism an especially vulnerable experience for the fragile, unchecked ego that views solicited feedback as a test rather than a tool.

Will this feedback prove that my work is good enough? Or will it prove that my work is trash and I should never write again?

Do these questions sound familiar? If so, don’t worry that you’re an unwitting egomaniac. Everyone struggles with their ego to some degree. We’re human after all, and humans crave validation as proof of belonging and acceptance.

The key to cultivating a positive experience with constructive criticism is to acknowledge the reality of your ego and take steps to curb it when necessary, actively reframing feedback as an opportunity for growth.

Five Tips for Handling Constructive Criticism With Grace

With a growing awareness of your ego and the role it plays in your experience with feedback, let’s break down five tips to bear in mind as you seek, receive, and implement constructive criticism.

#1: Get in The Right Headspace

Your ego is far more likely to rear its ugly head when you’re tired, anxious, or stressed. To have a positive experience with criticism, it’s therefore essential to ensure you’re in the best possible headspace before reading feedback.

As tempting as it might be, resist the urge to tear into feedback the second it hits your inbox. Instead, take a breather. Check in with your ego. Ask yourself if you really feel well enough to handle constructive criticism today.

If not, then do yourself a favor and save that email for another day. Get a good night’s rest. Meditate on some affirmations. Give your ego a colorfully worded dressing down. Whatever you need to remind yourself that receiving criticism can be an incredible opportunity for growth.

#2: Be Gentle When Ego Comes Calling

Cultivating a positive experience with criticism is all about awareness. You can’t expect to read through feedback without experiencing a single negative thought or emotion. You’re human. It’s only natural.

Rather than repressing any negative feelings that arise (or worse, allowing them to spiral into self-loathing), try sitting with them instead. Acknowledge these emotions as an observer, and remember that they don’t define you.

Negative thoughts and feelings crop up when your ego starts to feel vulnerable and afraid, and that’s okay. Because you get to decide what to do about it.

If you’re feeling brave, consider interrogating your negative thoughts. Can you identify the source that triggered their arrival? For example, maybe you’ve always worried that your characters aren’t vibrant enough, and now you feel inadequate because you’ve received feedback that confirms your fears.

Interrogating your thoughts may seem scary — and it can be. But the insights you uncover can help you identify key problem areas you can actively address to improve your writing and storytelling skills, as well as your mindset itself.

#3: Allow Yourself Time to Process Feedback

After reading through feedback, your ego may be feeling extra vulnerable. Your emotions are likely running high, and you might feel compelled to reject or otherwise respond poorly to the criticism you’ve received.

Now’s the time to hit pause. Don’t contact your editor, critique partner, or beta reader. Don’t begin making changes to your work. Instead, give the feedback several hours (if not several days) to marinate.

By allowing your emotions to cool and your mind to mull over the suggestions you’ve received, you’ll gain the distance you need to implement feedback in the way that best aligns with your creative vision — and you might just save your source an unnecessary tongue-lashing while you’re at it.

#4: Don't Be Afraid to Ask Questions

Ego recoils from vulnerability for fear of the weakness and rejection it might reveal. That’s why some writers may shy away from the prospect of asking questions about the feedback they’ve received.

To ask a question of your editor, critique partner, or beta reader is to reveal that you need extra help, and asking for help can be a vulnerable experience.

But here’s the thing: You can’t implement feedback in any meaningful way if you don’t understand what it’s saying and why.

So are you going to let your ego keep you from making the most of an already vulnerable experience? Or are you going to ask your question, create a mature dialogue, and ultimately allow your editor, critique partner, or beta reader to help you and your novel succeed? The choice is up to you, writer.

#5: Honor Your Creative Vision

Finally, remember that you don’t have to make every change suggested in the feedback you receive — no matter what your ego has to say about it.

Any patterns in beta reader feedback should always be heavily considered, as should feedback from editors in deference to their professional understanding of the craft. But don’t allow anyone (including your ego) to pressure you into making a change that doesn’t align with your creative vision.

At the end of the day, the creative fulfillment you find in writing fiction should be your primary concern. And if making a change would eat away at the joy you find in writing, then it isn’t the right change for you and your book.

In addition to honoring your creative vision, don’t forget to mind your ego as you begin to revise your manuscript based on external feedback. Tackling a thousand tiny copy edits can be just as overwhelming as making broad, sweeping changes to your book. Check in with yourself often, and take note if you begin to spiral into ego-driven emotions like self-pity, anger, and bitterness.

When it comes to creative success, many writers freely discuss industry and craft. But honing and maintaining a healthy creative mindset is key to every writer’s success and fulfillment in their work.

No doubt this type of introspection can be daunting. It’s not easy to face your fears and limiting beliefs and commit to changing them for the better. But the progress you’ll see as you allow yourself to actively and vulnerably improve in your craft will make every effort worthwhile.