From tentative first kisses to explicit sex scenes, intimacy in fiction can exist in many forms.

Included in that range is the popular fade-to-black, in which an intimate scene ends before anything too explicit happens on the page, nevertheless implying that the characters share certain intimacies “off-screen.”

A vulnerable conversation between friends or lovers can prove quite intimate as well, though today we’re going to stick to physical intimacies and how we can write them. 

Those awkward, cringe-worthy love scenes?

Those are exactly what I’m going to show you how to avoid today, using techniques I’ve gleaned from Diana Gabaldon’s I Give You My Body. Though Gabaldon uses this book to offer advice on crafting intimate scenes, many of the tips she shares can be applied to nearly any scene you write.

In fact, this is the book that inspired my article on framing scenes like a filmmaker. But when it comes to tips for writing intimacy, I love what Gabaldon says in the book’s first chapter:

“Where most beginning writers screw up (you should pardon the expression) is in thinking that sex scenes are about sex. A good sex scene is about the exchange of emotions, not bodily fluids.”

This is true regardless of the type of intimate scene you’re writing. Even when characters approach intimacy in the most carnal of fashions, there will always be emotion at play. This is vital to understand as you approach any intimate scene you write. As Gabaldon goes on to say:

“Lust is not an emotion; it’s a one-dimensional hormonal response. Ergo, while you can mention lust in a sex scene, describing it at any length is like going on about the pattern of the wallpaper in the bedroom. Worth a quick glance, maybe, but essentially boring.”

Have you ever read a book in which the author goes on and on about their characters’ attractiveness and the physical pull that exists between them?

Chances are that the scene felt pretty bland. Maybe it even induced an eye roll or two. I know I’ve read such scenes and thought, “Great, your characters are supremely sexy people making out like the world is about to end. But why should I care?”

At the end of the day, lust may attract notice but it won’t attract interest. At least not the type of interest that keeps readers invested in your story, making them care about your characters and the relationships they share.

The Role of Emotion in Intimate Scenes

If you want readers to feel the passion and excitement your characters are feeling (or the insecurity, self-doubt, or any other feeling that comes into play), then emotion must take center stage. So the next time you sit down to write an intimate scene, first ask yourself:

• What are my characters feeling as they enter this scene, both about themselves and toward the other person?

• Why do my characters’ emotions result in shared intimacy in this particular scene?

This second question is especially vital to ask because it forces you to confront whether your characters would have to act out of character for your intimate scene to play out as you planned. Ensuring that they won’t have to act against their natures will keep your intimate scene from feeling unrealistic and gratuitous.

In some situations, your characters will act outside of their typical natures in an intimate scene — but only when something powerful motivates them to do so. A painfully shy heroine isn’t going to simply give in to her desire to make out with the local bad boy unless she’s experiencing an emotion that overrides her anxiety.

Remember, lust is not an emotion. Physical desire alone is rarely powerful enough to make someone act outside their nature without extenuating circumstances coming into play. That said, it’s not enough for your characters to simply feel things in an intimate scene.

Intimacy requires vulnerability, and vulnerability always results in an exchange of emotions. And when your characters exchange emotions, their inner landscape shifts, as does the relationship they share — at least in some small way.

With this in mind, a good intimate scene becomes a turning point. It takes a story and shifts it in a new direction. Sometimes only slightly, and sometimes in the most notable of ways. The magnitude of the shift doesn’t matter. The simple fact that the scene serves as a turning point is what gives intimacy a larger power and purpose within the context of your story. 

So, what does it mean for your characters to exchange emotion in an intimate scene?

In I Give You My Body, Gabaldon notes that there are three main ways that characters can share emotion: through dialogue, expressions, and actions. Here’s an example of each form of emotional exchange from my upcoming medieval fantasy novel, Lady Legacy:

Dialogue:

“For our oaths, we are alone,” she said. “Do we not deserve some consolation, even if we must make it for ourselves?”

He was silent for a moment. “So I am to give you consolation.”

Clíana frowned. “You are to give me nothing that does not please you, my lord.”

Expression:

“The look on his face was as unhindered as she’d ever seen. Naked, and not a small bit desperate.”

Action:

“She placed a hand upon his cheek, her thumb grazing the soft contour of his mouth.”

Once you’ve established your scene’s emotional landscape, it isn’t necessary to give readers a physical play-by-play. Readers are quite good at imagining scenes for themselves provided you give them a few key physical beats. Of course, explicit detail is fine in many stories. Just remember that a good intimate scene always leads with emotion, no matter its nature.

The Language of Alluring Intimate Scenes

In intimate scenes, physical details should err on the side of sensuality. Even the simplest and sweetest of kisses can turn icky if you describe the physicality of it all in too much detail. Instead, use the five senses (e.g. sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell) to paint readers a sensual picture. Again, here are a few examples from my upcoming novel, Lady Legacy:

Sight:

“He eyed her for a long moment, searching, before the tension left his body and he became once more the man she had known on the balcony at Alamada, in the shadows of the Sanctuary, in Carastille’s gardens.”

Sound:

“‘On the contrary. Little though I know you, my lady, I hesitate to think you do anything that is not of consequence.’ There was a note of mirth in his voice that chipped away at the tension mounted in her chest. She laughed.”

Touch:

“He trailed a lazy finger down the length of her sternum, and her skin prickled at the touch.”

Taste:

“The taste of him was woodsmoke and ale and bright mountain’s mint, as alluring as it was familiar.”

Smell:

“She could smell the salt on him, and something darker, the hearth fire and ink, the sweat of the day. The anticipation of the night.”

When using lyrical language in intimate scenes, focus more on the scene’s emotional landscape than the physical detail. The latter often results in the use of awkward and distracting euphemisms for otherwise straightforward sexual terms.

When writing and revising intimate scenes, also give thought to pacing. Generally, you’ll want to match the rhythm of the scene to the rhythm of the action. Passionate make-out session? Pick up the pace. Slow and sensual? Well, you get the idea…

The After Effects of Intimacy

As you wrap up an intimate scene, don’t forget to take stock of your characters’ emotions. In most cases, an intimate act is going to affect your characters’ inner worlds in some way. This doesn’t have to be a grand way. But remember, a good intimate scene should serve as a turning point in your characters’ stories. 

Perhaps, feeling the high of satisfied desire, your character gains a measure of confidence in her sexuality that affects how she acts in other elements of her life. Or, maybe, having finally confessed their love for one another, your characters begin to make plans for the life they’ll build together.

Both outcomes, though ranging in magnitude, are equally valid and reflect how your characters’ changing emotional landscapes affect their actions and ultimately their stories as a whole. And that is what an alluring intimate scene does. It gives readers deeper insight into your characters’ inner worlds, changing or strengthening the relationships they share and affecting their actions and motivations as the story continues to unravel.

Keep this larger context in mind, and you can’t fail to write intimate scenes that will seduce readers to keep on reading.

Book Recommendation

This article pulls heavily from the techniques Diana Gabaldon shares in The Quick-Start Five-Minute Guide to Writing Sex Scenes at the beginning of I Give You My Body. I’ve found this book as a whole to be revolutionary in my writing life, and I’d recommend that any writer give it a read (if they’re okay with a bit of lurid language, that is).

To check out the book for yourself, simply click the button below. (Note: affiliate link)